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7 Ways to Accidentally Say Something Dirty in Spanish

Let’s face it- speaking Spanish as a second language, or even just being in a room full of Mexicans, can be a strange and frustrating experience. This list will help you avoid unnecessarily awkward situations and sexing up menu items at Burger King.

1. Estoy caliente.dirty spanish

What you’re probably trying to say: “I’m hot.”
What you’re actually saying: “I’m horny.”

Caliente does mean hot for most things- food can be caliente, water can be caliente. But using “caliente” to describe a person will make for an awkward night at the discoteca.

Instead Say: “Tengo calor.”

2. Me gusta la polla.

What you’re probably trying to say: “I like chicken.”
What you’re actually saying: “I like dick.”

The Eskimos may not have 50 words for snow, but Spanish certainly has 50 words for dick. The most common one in Spain is “la polla,” also common are el pene, el nabo, el pito, and el rabo.

Instead say: “Me gusta el pollo.”

3. Voy a correrme.

What you’re probably trying to say: “I’m gonna go run.”
What you’re actually saying: “I’m going to have an orgasm.”

The difference between reflexive and non-reflexive verbs can be tricky: Dormir vs. dormirse, quedar vs. quedarse. Usually it’s not a big deal, but in this case it totally is.

Instead say: “Voy a correr.”

4. Cuántos anos tienes?

What you’re probably trying to say: “How old are you?”
What you’re actually saying: “How many anuses do you have?”

Ever wondered why Spanish uses that weird squiggly line over the N in some words? This is why.

Instead say: “Cuántos años tienes?”

5. Un coño, por favor.

What you’re probably trying to say: “One ice cream cone, please.”
What you’re actually saying: “One cunt, please.”

The good news is “coño” is nowhere near as offensive in Spain as “cunt” is in the US. The bad news is it’s still not polite and will not get you an ice cream cone.

Instead say: “Un cono, por favor.”

6. Cuántos cojones tiene?

What you’re probably trying to say: “How many drawers does it have?”
What you’re actually saying: “How many testicles does it have?”

It was a great idea to make the words for “box” (caja) and “drawer” (cajon) sound similar. Unfortunately, other similar sounding words slipped in there as well.

Instead say: “Cuántos cajones tiene?”

7. Yo siempre me cago

What you were probably trying to say: “I always fall.”
What you’re actually saying: “I always shit myself.”

Not an appropriate response to someone asking if you want to dance with them.

Instead say: “Yo siempre me caigo.”


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9 Responses to 7 Ways to Accidentally Say Something Dirty in Spanish

  1. Judy Hochberg October 25, 2013 at 9:34 PM #

    Eskimos don’t have 50 words for snow. That’s a linguistic urban legend.

    • Kate Peregrina October 25, 2013 at 10:10 PM #

      Ah, you’re right! I’ll change it.

    • akim January 17, 2014 at 12:32 PM #

      Actually, there *are* more than 50 words for snow. MANY, many more.

      I AM an Eskimo.


      Oh, and by the way, the proper term is Inuit, not Eskimo.

      Quanir – to snow. Quanuuglir – to snow. Kanevvluk – fine snow particles. Natquik- drifting snow.

  2. zixx January 6, 2014 at 7:04 PM #

    Actually, they do have a bunch of words for snow, but because of the way their language works, they also have a bunch of words chairs, dogs, and interpersonal relationships.

  3. Constance Chase May 10, 2014 at 4:35 PM #

    Love this post so much. Perhaps I still have the maturity level of a second grade boy, but I like to purposefully make these kinds of mistakes with my Spanish boyfriend. I guess I just like to see his reaction. My personal favorite is changing “montar un pollo” to “montar una polla” and “una pajita” to “una paja.”

    • Kate Peregrina May 11, 2014 at 1:13 PM #

      Same here, I don’t know why those jokes never stop being funny.

  4. MG June 23, 2014 at 10:35 PM #

    You have me in stitches with the “Yo siempre me cago”. What was the reaction?

  5. Amanda July 7, 2014 at 9:23 AM #

    This made me laugh so hard! When I was living in Sevilla as an exchange student in ’06-’07 one of my professors told us a story of a student of his who had walked into McDonalds and ordered a “McPolla y un coño de chocolate”.

    You can just imagine how that went over with the person at the counter…

  6. La Reina November 3, 2014 at 9:59 AM #

    I was living in the south of Spain during university and I totally did the coño de helado at McDonalds. I couldn’t figure out why the cashier did a double take, asked me to repeat what I’d said, and gave me the oddest look. I went home to my host family’s house after for lunch and I was telling my 60+ year old señora what I’d done that day. When I said I’d had a coño de helado, she literally snorted…which was a disaster as she was spooning soup into her mouth at the same time. When my Japanese roommate explained to me what I’d actually said – my señora was laughing too hard to do any explaining – I thought I would die. Then she called in her husband and explained the whole story which led to him telling me all about the errors that he has made with language referencing one’s naughty bits. I literally could not have been more mortified. But it makes for a great story! :)

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